Domestic abuse is the name for frightening and controlling behaviour that happens within the family. What is the difference between arguing and domestic abuse? In all families there will be times when people feel cross and argue with each other. It is ok to disagree with each other and to have different ideas and opinions. In a fair arguement each person should feel that they have had a chance to say what they think and be listened to. You should not be made to feel frightened or stupid by someone else, especially in your own home. When there are positive relationships you can work things out after you have both calmed down, by discussing things together and making friends.

Does someone at home scare or upset you?

Domestic Abuse is when someone in your family, or someone who is close to your family like your Mum's boyfriend wants to control everyone else, and says and does things that hurt or scare the people close to them. The abuse can happen for any reason at any time - not just in your home.  These are some of the things that might happen;

Emotional abuse

• Calling you names that hurt your feelings or make you feel ugly or stupid
• Isolating you by making visitors feel unwelcome
• Stopping you from joining in activities with your friends
• Ignoring you or giving you the 'silent treatment'
• Throwing things, slamming doors, punching walls, blocking exits
  

Physical Abuse

• Making you watch someone else being hurt, or forcing you to hurt them too
• Hurting you e.g. by hitting, slapping, kicking or pinching
• Threatening or hurting a family pet

Financial Abuse

• Unfairly controlling how much money you have or what you can spend it on
  

Sexual Abuse

• Touching you in places you don't like or that makes you feel uncomfortable
  
• Making you take part in sexual activities
  
• Making you watch sexual images

There are lots of ways that someone can be abusive, but the thing they have in common is that they make someone else feel bad. 

How will I know if it's happening in my family?  

These things may happen to an adult you love or be directed at you.  If abuse is happening in your home you are likely to know about it even if things usually happen when you have gone to bed.  It is very frightening to be lying awake listening to sounds of fighting, shouting or crying in another room. You may feel very alone and possibly ashamed of what is happening in your family.  You may feel that should do more to help.

It is normal to feel these things but;

IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT

IT IS NOT YOUR MOTHERS FAULT

YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR PROTECTING YOUR MOTHER

You need to keep yourself safe, there are other adults who can help keep your mother safe if they know what is happening.

You are not the only person this has happened to. Here are some comments by other young people who have lived in abusive situations;

"We used to hide under the bed at home.  Dad used to blame us, so we'd blame ourselves when he hit mum.  Now we don't live with Dad and we don't need to go under our beds anymore." (boy age 12)  

NSPCC

"The NSPCC (National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children) is the UK's leading charity specialising in child protection and the prevention of cruelty to children."

ChildLine

"ChildLine is the free helpline for children and young people in the UK. Children and young people can call 0800 1111 to talk about any problem"

If you would like to read more about the stories of young people who have survived abuse in the home you can go to Not Your Fault

Here are some links to other websites that you might find interesting, they are written for children like you. They have got lots of useful information to help you understand what is going on in your family and ideas on how to keep safe

The Hideout

Bursting the Bubble

Childline

Don't Hide It

U-Wales, Young People's Information Service